Things you don't want to hear in a control tower

2nd time around

2009-05-01T20:33:00.000-05:00

After sending a pilot around, on his second approach I said, "Following a king air 3 mile final. Give it to me a little slower this time.... (un-key and laugh) cleared to land. "

Reading clearances

2009-04-30T20:31:00.000-05:00

Cleared direct penis (PNS)

Can I say that in a govt. facility?

2009-04-19T21:43:00.000-05:00

Ball 1,2, and 3 doing a low pass and as I was relaying information to the TRACON I said, "Reference your Balls..."

Wind Check

2009-04-18T21:42:00.000-05:00

"Wind 340 at...okay were just gonna call it calm"

Go Around, Go Around

2009-04-17T21:40:00.000-05:00

"Start your climb now, I'll get back to you with an altitude"

The Trainee Says...

2009-04-14T21:20:00.000-05:00

"Maintain Runway Heading until Airborne".......wind....cleared for takeoff...."

EQ

2009-04-13T21:17:00.000-05:00

We had been talking about car stereos all day and on the last ILS of the day, my coworker cleared an aircraft to maintain 3000 until established on the equalizer.

A what?

2009-04-12T21:15:00.000-05:00

I was working local control, when an aircraft aborted on the runway, needless to say all the other taxiing aircraft wanted to know the reason there was a delay in getting a takeoff clearance, I very smartly transmitted...

"Attention all aircraft on Tower Frequency, expect 5 minute delay for an ABORTION on the runway"

What does this mean?

2009-03-31T21:23:00.000-05:00

I think it means that when you see a rainbow when on your motorcycle, you should stand up on the seat and perform a stunt for onlookers.

Did he just say that?

2009-03-11T20:26:00.001-05:00

So a pilot after being on my frequency through some snow and delays in the NE part of the US says, "We'll be on the ground in 10 minutes. One way or another." But he transmitted it via the intercom and to us ATC.

OOPS!

Mesaba Airlines today...

2009-03-10T17:28:00.001-05:00

(Background)
Mesaba Airlines a wholly-owned subsidiary of Delta Air Lines, Mesaba operates as a Delta Connection carrier under service agreements with both Delta and Northwest Airlines.

Pilot checks on, "Tower Mesaba ####, with you descending on the invisible line, to the port side, rubber is down and out. We will be sliding into Apple 12 today to park."

Congratulations

2009-03-06T11:20:00.002-06:00

I just wanted to take the time to say Congratulations to the Archie League Medal of Safety Awards Winners of 2009.

Great job guys!

Ding

2009-03-01T20:16:00.002-06:00

Another alarm that annoys us at work is the ring of another facility calling us. The ETVS (Enhanced Terminal Voice Switch) dings instead of rings when someone calls. So today the FLeM in the TRACON calls us again for the 100th time about flow and the ETVS starts... ding... ding... ding...

So I start singing this song...

The list...

2009-02-28T11:38:00.002-06:00

Here is a list of everything you've done today. Then you are handed a blank sheet of paper.

MSAW Alarm

2009-02-26T20:41:00.004-06:00

The MSAW system is designed so that it can provide both an aural and a visual alarm to alert a controller when an aircraft is at an altitude that may place it in unsafe proximity to another aircraft, obstruction, or terrain. The aural alarm is a buzzer that sounds in the radar facility and/or tower. FAA Order 7110.65, “Air Traffic Control,” directs that once a controller observes or hears an MSAW alarm and recognizes that an unsafe situation may exist, the controller’s first priority is to issue a safety alert to the pilot.

When this alarm goes off in the tower the most common things that are shouted out are...

"That will never work!"

"Hey did you lose one over there?"

"Can you put that in your ear?"

Welcome...

2009-02-26T20:14:00.001-06:00

I've decided to write about the things I hear daily in the control tower. I work at a major airport in the southwest region of the US as a controller for the FAA. Some will be funny, and some will be serious, but most of all we try to have a good time while doing our job. So sit back relax and enjoy our odd since of humor.