Reading clearances

Cleared direct penis (PNS)

Can I say that in a govt. facility?

Ball 1,2, and 3 doing a low pass and as I was relaying information to the TRACON I said, "Reference your Balls..."

Wind Check

"Wind 340 at...okay were just gonna call it calm"

Go Around, Go Around

"Start your climb now, I'll get back to you with an altitude"

The Trainee Says...

"Maintain Runway Heading until Airborne".......wind....cleared for takeoff...."

EQ

We had been talking about car stereos all day and on the last ILS of the day, my coworker cleared an aircraft to maintain 3000 until established on the equalizer.

A what?

I was working local control, when an aircraft aborted on the runway, needless to say all the other taxiing aircraft wanted to know the reason there was a delay in getting a takeoff clearance, I very smartly transmitted...

"Attention all aircraft on Tower Frequency, expect 5 minute delay for an ABORTION on the runway"